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Movie news: 'The Big Friendly Giant Government' flops at box office; audiences say "It's creepy".
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Hillary: "I can hack Russia from my bathroom".Gun store goes into lockdown over report an "active university professor" roving the grounds.Obama, we're just calling to ask if you want our foreign policy back.Hillary suggests to counter "fake news" with government newspaper called "Truth" Pravda" for Russian speakers).Women's March against fascism completed with 400,000 fewer deaths than anticipated.Breaking: Millions of uncounted votes found on Hillary's private voting machine in her Chappaqua bathroom.University ranked "very intolerant of free speech" fights the accusation by banning the study and all involved.FBI director Comey delighted after receiving Nobel Prize for Speed Reading (650,000 emails in one week).Following hurricane Matthew's failure to devastate Florida, activists flock to the Sunshine State and destroy Trump signs manually.Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food.Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!' Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration' Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided.
Obama's reckless attacks on Russia serve as recruitment tool to create more Russian hackers.
Bergdahl with only two options: pursue a doctorate at Berkley or become a Senator from Massachusetts Jay Carney stuck in line behind Eric Shinseki to leave the White House; estimated wait time from 15 min to 6 weeks 100 of scientists agree that if man-made.
Dozens injured at Ralph Lauren Louis Vuitton headquarters after Ivanka calls in missile strikes on rival fashion houses.
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Jackson's Rainbow Coalition to Crimea Al Sharpton: "Not even Putin can withstand our signature chanting, 'racist, sexist, anti-gay, Russian army go away'!" Mardi Gras in North Korea: " Throw me some food!
Responding to Trump's surging poll numbers, Obama preemptively pardons himself for treason.Deploys troops to American college campuses in order to combat staggeringly low rape rates.Breaking: the Clinton Foundation set to investigate the FBI.White House edits Orlando 911 transcript to say shooter pledged allegiance to NRA and Republican Party.Afraid of "dangerous" Trump presidency, protesters pre-emptively burn America down to the ground.Of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners' Kremlin puts out warning not to photoshop Putin riding meteor unless bare-chested Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella.Hillary Clinton blames video for unexpected and spontaneous voter uprising that prevented her inevitable move into the White House.Following Obama's 'Okie-Doke' speech, stock of Okie-Doke soars; nasdaq: 'Obama best Okie-Doke salesman' Weaponized baby formula threatens Planned Parenthood office; aclu demands federal investigation of Gerber Experts: melting Antarctic glacier could cause sale levels to rise up to 80 off select items by this weekend.Schoolchildren jailed for building only white snowmen.Post-inauguration blues: millions of democrats distraught as the reality of having to find real jobs sets in "Journalism is the continuation of war by other means" is exposed as a fake" by mainstream media journalists.The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George." Obama's foreign policy works: "War, invasion, and conquest are signs of weakness; we've got Putin right where we want him" US offers military solution to Ukraine crisis: "We will only fight countries that have lgbt military" Putin annexes Brighton Beach to protect ethnic Russians.Experts: Starbucks CEO Schultz's hiring of 10,000 Muslim refugees likely to blow up in his face.

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